It feels like femininity and independence cannot coexist; they just can’t. You have to choose one or the other. I remember the day I decided I would never cry again…everyone said I was weak. I remember the day I learned about gender roles…everything about it (as described to me) resonated with weak. And with phrases such as “hit like a girl” and “throw like a girl,” I did everything I could to stay away from everything that resonated with being weak, which unfortunately, and unknowingly, became much of what could be attributed to being feminine. For instance, the color pink is a girly color, so I didn’t like the color pink. Purses and handbags are girly, too. Now, suddenly, I don’t like purses. Eventually, it became I don’t like dresses, I don’t like getting my nails done, I don’t like to cook, I don’t want to get married. Ultimately, it became, I don’t need anyone. I became that independent woman who didn’t need anyone to do anything for her because she can do everything for herself.
And this is where femininity and independence clash.
I’d gotten to a place where I was rejecting femininity in order to wear a crown of independence. There are many “independent” women who seek to wear crowns, but instead, they are wearing masks because they refuse to be who they are. They fight to prove women are strong, but not for “the cause” but because in reality, they themselves secretly believe women are weak; they fight not only to prove others wrong but also themselves. However, by denying your femininity, you are actually misrepresenting what you stand for and also succumbing to the notion that to be feminine is to be lesser than, and it stems from an insecurity of not being good enough. The truth is, though, if you are going to be proud to be a woman, you must embrace every aspect of yourself as it relates to being one. You have as much value and are worth just as much as the person next to you regardless of their gender. Whether you blame societal pressure or individual upbringing on the development of that insecurity, it’s not as important as first getting over the insecurity itself. Here are a few scriptures to get you started:
Genesis 2:20-22 (Amplified): “…but for Adam there was not found a helper [that was] suitable (a companion) for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man He made (fashioned, formed) into a woman, and He brought her and presented her to the man.” The world wasn’t complete without us, basically.
Ephesians 2:10 (Amplified): “…we are His workmanship [His own maser work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].” Not only are you an original, created by God and made in His image, but He longs to give you a good life. You are valuable to God, and therefore, you are good enough.
John 15:13 (Amplified): “No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends.” Jesus calls you his friend, and he died for you to give you salvation as well as freedom. This is a representation of his love for you, and you are free from any insecurities that you are dealing with and trying to overcome. The strength of God and the power of the cross make it possible.
As for me, I now no longer mind wearing dresses. I like getting my nails done, occasionally. I can take the color pink in small doses, but I don’t hate it. I really truly do not like to cook, and I cannot stand purses. None of that is influenced by a deep-rooted insecurity. At the end of the day, you have to embrace who you are, and there is absolutely nothing weak about that.
